why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
