Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I could fuck to npr.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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