you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
