you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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