ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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