you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
