i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
