You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize