you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
