There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
