Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
