She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
