He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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