Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
