singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Quick, to the slutcave!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize