so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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