i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
