Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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