I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Congratulations! We have a period
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
