he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
