Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I smell like Dick and happiness
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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