was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
