You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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