Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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