I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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