bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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