Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
