come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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