Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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