I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
