Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
