My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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