if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
your thong is hanging out like whoa
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
