"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
