I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
