dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
