Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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