we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
