I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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