No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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