...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
