he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
