There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize