Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
