look no pants
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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