My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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