I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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