A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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