After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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