i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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