I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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