I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
