Did you just see the Batmobile???
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
