If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
