i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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