I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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