just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize