college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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