I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
