My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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