Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your penis caused this!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
