Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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