yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
