if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
