Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
