I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
