Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
