i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
