it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
