I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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