Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
