I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
