They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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