The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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