i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
